Why having kids is a scary proposition...

Ok, start here. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! The image on this page is *not* -- I repeat, NOT for the faint of heart. It also may be completely fabricated, I don't know.

Having now undoubtedly (unintentionally, I promise) guaranteed that you've clicked on that...

I'm serious. Having kids is a scary proposition. Those of you who are parents know exactly where I'm going with this. There comes a moment during pregnancy (your own or your vicarious experience through your wife) when the realization washes over you that your child, your upcoming precious little one, the one for whom you have prayed and for whom you already have so many hopes and dreams, may not be whole. And, in fact, may possibly be far from it.

This sounds cliche, but it's true: if you have not personally experienced this emotion, you have no possible way of understanding how strong and impacting it is. Within this realization comes the awareness that there is absolutely nothing you can do to affect the situation; the genes have been passed on, the cell division is moving ahead on its inexorable course, and God alone has say in the matter. (Which has been my final resting place when I have dealt with this during both of Mel's pregnancies; God is in control, I'm not. It strikes me that this must be an issue that brings out the god-fearer in agnostics like few other issues could.)

To be completely open, this issue alone is a huge factor in my leaning toward adoption if we ever decide we want more kids; as much as I know that God is in control and can be trusted to do what is *right*, I can't stop my baser self from playing the animist and believing that we've pulled the slot lever twice already and one more time around is just pushing the gods of luck a little too far. My mind can address the issue more accurately than that, but my devil-on-the-shoulder keeps pulling me out of alignment and into this faulty perspective.

Ok, and something tells me that I shouldn't end this post without answering the question that's bound to come up. No.

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