Just waiting for the keys

 

Parenting makes me glad I went to Bible College.

Our normal bedtime routine is fairly predictable around here -- we send the kids into the bedroom, I follow a couple of minutes later. I often ask the kids if either of them wants to pray, they usually both say no; I pray, give each of them about 15 seconds worth of goodnightiloveyousleepwells, and walk out. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 minutes total.

Not so tonight.

I was in the process of saying the final goodnight to Ezra when he tells me he has a question. Not too much of a deviation from normal so far, he often comes out with questions like "How do you spell doozleboozlewoozlefoozlegungungungbaguk?" in an attempt to forestall the inevitable. This one was a little different, though: "Daddy, the Bible says that people who love God, obey God. I love God, but sometimes it's really hard to be obedient and I don't always obey Him. How can that be?"

Wow. I shifted gears and answered him as best as I could -- habits, trends, a lifestyle of obedience -- but he wasn't done.

"We're supposed to listen to God, but I never hear Him. I know that the Bible is, like, God's word, but it was written like two thousand years ago. How do we know He still thinks that?"

Wow again -- immutability, omniscience, inspiration, then on to conscience, listening prayer, and the voice of God -- mind racing, trying to answer the questions accurately myself, organize and prioritize my answers, and translate them into the language of a 5 year old.

"We need to read the Bible more. I don't know very many of the stories in it."

Whoaaa. The hand of God, prompting that which I want more than anything else for my kids but have no power whatsoever to force.

++Thank You. ++

Saturday as it ought to be

Had a fun day out with the family today. We headed down to the Trillium Festival at Tryon Creek State Park to see what there was to see.


The kids got their faces painted and enjoyed the nature walk we took, guided by two naturopaths who pointed out the various edible and medicinally potent plants alongside the trail as we walked. (Did you know that stinging nettles are good in soup?) They also enjoyed the locally grown honey we bought -- gotta love the good dark stuff.

Once we left there we headed back north and decided to finally try out the Portland Aerial Tram, which we've been wanting to do ever since it opened.


Definitely a fun little trip -- very cool cars with great visibility even on a rainy day like today. It's no trip to the Alps but it's definitely got that great Euro feel with awesome geek appeal to boot.


This crane is down at the bottom of the tram in the South Waterfront area -- it kinda made me think of Mike Mulligan's steam shovel.

The Diaper Divide

Every single one of the dads my age that I know are involved at least occasionally in changing their kids' diapers. Some of the families have very predictable divisions of labor as far as diaper duty goes, others (like ours) base it more on who's less occupied at the present moment -- with a bent towards my changing them when I can since I'm gone for much of the day and Mel is stuck with the job.

But a few months ago we started realizing that most dads of our parents' generation were never involved in diaper changes -- and as I've started asking the question to more and more people, the tide change has become clear:

• Baby boomer dads -- even the very best of them -- did not. do. diapers.


• Gen X / Y / Millenial dads -- all but the very worst of them -- assume diaper duty to be a normal part of fathering.

There are exceptions to these rules, but from what I've seen so far they are few and very far between. There has been a monumental shift in the way men look at the job of diapering (read: their job versus their wife's job) that seems to span economic backgrounds, national regions, parenting styles, everything but age.

I'm quite curious how this shift took place with very little modeling and very little controversy -- it seems to have just happened. Any thoughts? If nothing else, give me the poll feedback below so I can see if it's as widespread as I think.




Update: I found a better poll supplier (micropoll.com) whose polls display better(edit: ok, they were displaying better the first couple of times I loaded the page. Don't know why they have those gaps in them now). The votes that had already been received have been entered in already -- no need to vote again.

Down with the sickness

Yes indeed-y, sickness has been the story of our household since Thanksgiving. Asher got croup that night (non-parents click here for the answer to your question) and we have been plugging along in survival mode ever since. Mel has gotten very little sleep and I'm exhausted too... we have had lots of trips outside into the cold night air, steam sessions in the bathtub, etc etc etc. Asher is definitely doing better now but the other kids now have colds (Ezra's was bordering on croup two nights ago) and Mel is fighting it too.

Alright, I'm done complaining.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm learning...

Special credit to Mel for finding this one: statetris -- like tetris, only played with states, countries, or counties if you're feeling particularly edumacated. The USA is pretty easy until you get to all those crappy little northeastern states (sorry Hutch). Africa, on the other hand, took me 14+ minutes to finish (on medium difficulty). Haven't tried Europe yet.

An open letter to my favorite radio station

I love Oregon Public Broadcasting. If I'm listening to the radio, I'm listening to OPB. This American Life is pretty close to the top of the list of things I love to hear on OPB. If you don't listen to it, you're missing out. If you do listen, well, OTIS IS RESURRECTED! 'Nuff said.

But this week's show really and truly crossed the line. Regular commentator Dan Savage did a piece endorsing verbal abuse of children, a la Alec Baldwin.

I'm not much of a complaint-writer. It's just not normally something I do, even though I threaten it from time to time. But this one (in conjunction with my wife's encouragement) got my fingers tapping the keys. And, in all honesty, if you heard the broadcast I'm talking about, let me encourage you to speak up as well. Here's what I sent OPB:

Ok, so it's true: I'm not a member. And I know I should be, as I've been listening to OPB for close to a decade now. If I promise to pledge during the fall drive, will you listen to a complaint from me anyway?

This American Life is the show that got me into OPB (and NPR) in the first place. I *love* it. I disagree with viewpoints presented on it all the time, but it always offers perspectives I have never considered and causes me to think through things in a new way. The final piece (the only one I caught) in this week's episode, however, absolutely crossed the line.

I'm sure I don't have to describe it for you; it was the one by Dan Savage with the Alec Baldwin clips. As the parent of three kids myself, I listened in horror as he condoned and even encouraged verbal abuse of children. I kept listening for the twist, the moment where things turned around... and it just wasn't there. The piece was nothing less than wholesale endorsement of childish parents screaming obscenities at their children.

I'm sure TAL would defend this piece by telling me it was satire -- at least I hope that would be their response -- but the truth is that even if it *was* meant to be a satirical piece, our community contains many, many children who live in families much like the one Savage described. The last thing these children need is for their parents to be able to tune into OPB and have their parenting 'methods' *normalized* by a piece such as that.

As I said above, I don't expect OPB or TAL to always adhere to my ways of thinking or my own personal standards -- that's what diversity is about. But OPB should give no ground to a voice whose words encourage a society that is harmful to children.

Thank you for listening to the thoughts of a soon-to-be member.

Happy Birthday

 
A wonderfully happy birthday to my girl, you've reached the ripe old age of three but you'll always be my baby.

Newport, Oregon

We got back Friday night from our week in Newport -- what a spot! I have driven through there several times but never really spent any time. It has everything you would want from the Oregon coast: sandy beaches, rocky beaches, Mo's, sea lions and seals, tide pools, the Oregon Coast Aquarium, lighthouses, and, of course, yurts. Our yurt site was perfect, with trees for climbing and sand for digging, and the beach about a 15 minute walk away.

music appreciation

The kids share a bedroom, and among other things, this necessitates the alternation from night to night of who gets to pick the music. This is a VERY IMPORTANT part of the kids' day, and for each of them, the night they don't get to pick the music can truly be a traumatic night. Most nights it goes pretty smoothly though, and they both enjoy having something to listen to as the float off to la-la land.

Tonight was Ezra's pick, which he promptly pointed out to me as we walked into the bedroom and heard Adriel's naptime music still playing on repeat. It was a plaintive piece for the harp, and as I turned it off he said "that music sounds kind of... sad. Kinda like for somebody who died." We talked about that a little bit and all agreed that Mel's description of it as 'like remembering' fit best.

Ezra's choice for the evening was a flute compilation that starts with a very upbeat piece. As it began I said that I thought it sounded like bunnies and butterflies playing in the forest, and that description made Ezra grin from ear to ear. "It's funny how music can sound -- feel -- like... things that aren't music. Like butterflies and bunnies, just up and down and around. Even though those things aren't sounds -- or music. It's just... amazing."

And to that I say, it's funny how kids can grasp cultural musical associations so clearly. I wonder how many of those same associations would be made by a kid (or an adult) who had a non-western musical background. It sure is fun to see Ezra making those connections though and experiencing music with his imagination fully engaged. Makes me look forward to many more musical connections and experiences to come.

Labyrinth

Went with the kids the other day to a labyrinth at the local First Congregational United Church of Christ. Didn't really try to make it a contemplative experience for the kids but Ez loved getting to follow the trail backwards and forwards several times. Adriel was really much more interested in running on the raised wall around the outside than staying within the lines of the maze itself. They both enjoyed the experience and it made me wish that evangelical churches were more into experiential expressions of worship and faith.

The UCC, BTW, is the church of Barack Obama, who at this point seems to me like a fairly decent choice given the options we're going to get come election day. No, I certainly don't support everything he (or his church) stands for. I'm not convinced that he's into peace per se but he does have a desire to end the war -- it will be interesting to see what comes out once the democrats start debating republicans too instead of just each other. But he's got a lot going for him and I think his youth may lead him to be willing to shake things up a bit in Washington if elected.

Mr. Baseball Himself

Game night

We played Sorry tonight as a family, our first real functional board game experience with the kids. Addie obviously needed lots of help, and bailed out halfway through. Ezra, on the other hand, caught on in a heartbeat and was well on his way to a slam-dunk when Mel showed him who was boss with a come-back win (Ezra had his last piece on his home stretch). I, on the other hand... got to demonstrate good losing...

It was great to be able to initiate Ez into the realm of board games, he has watched countless rounds of Settlers and he was pretty excited to be sitting down actually playing a 'big people' game with us. I have very fond memories of game nights we had growing up and it's a tradition I have long envisioned carrying on with my kids -- fun to be able to start that tonight.

This one goes out to the geeks I love...

I recently ran across Geekdad and it immediately started causing problems in my Reader account as I find myself hanging onto almost everything they post, wanting to try every idea out myself. It is definitely must-read material for parents with a geeky bent toward gadgetry and hands-on learning. And how can you resist a site that points you toward products like this?

Brewsters at the beach

The beach was awesome. Being in a yurt (behind us in the picture) was great -- totally cushy and easy compared to real camping, yet still a bit of an outdoors experience and so much cheaper than trying to rent a motel room out there. Highly recommended as a family experience, we enjoyed it so much we came home and reserved four more time slots at various coastal yurt locations between now and next January.

Poets wanted

Got any good baby / kid / parenting haikus? I need some to put to a good use. Not exactly looking for masterpieces here, just gimme what you've got. Here's one to get your mental juices flowing:

just changed his diaper
baby's farting on my leg
that one sounded dry

62 hours and counting

Asher has now been a citizen of the outside world for just over two and a half days. The last day has not been quite the cakewalk that his first day was, but still nothing at all to complain about. He is a hungry little guy and I think he will settle down a bit once Mel's milk comes in a bit more fully and he is able to get a full belly.

The staff here at the new Legacy Salmon Creek hospital have been uniformly great, we have not had anybody around who we would rate at less than an 8 out of 10. We will most likely be heading home tomorrow; we'll find out in the morning what the official discharge plans are. Then it will be home to finish getting things settled and ready for life as a family of 5.

We have definitely enjoyed having some visitors around, it's fun to get to play show and tell. Also looking forward to being home though, having some peace and quiet, and not having to follow hospital rules like "no carrying your baby in the hallway" (they want him in a bassinet if he's outside of the room -- found that one out the hard way).

Strange to know this is the last time we'll be doing the newborn thing. Believe me, I'm definitely glad this is our last time around -- but I can't deny that there is a sadness about it too, there is so much wonder and contentment in having a newbie to observe and take care of. Good thing God made them cute and lovable and awe-some though -- there's not too much contentment in getting woken up with crying for the umpteenth time in a given night.

Welcome, Asher!

Alright, here's the quick stats for those of you who are always desperate for the details:
8:33 am
7 lbs 11 oz
20 1/4 in
Oh yeah, and we went ahead and sprung for the "third lower appendage" option.

And for those of you looking for a little more narrative (ok, and maybe some pictures too), here ya go:
Our third breech baby -- and our second double footling. About two weeks ago he flipped head-down, but four days later decided that upside-down isn't all it's cracked up to be and flipped back to breech. So the C-section was scheduled for Tuesday morning.

Doctors, in their infinite wisdom, have determined that the best possible thing for an expecting mom, considering that she won't get a full night's sleep for months, is to cut her final night of sleep short by having you show up at the hospital at 5:30 am for your C-section. Mel was in the OR at about 7:30, but the spinal turned out to be quite the ordeal (45 minutes' worth) and surgery didn't actually start until 8:15 or so.

It is a truly amazing thing to watch a cesarean. On one side of the sheet is your wife's face, showing no signs of discomfort whatsoever. On the other side of the sheet is her body, with a gaping hole cut in it and several people reaching a variety of sharp and blunt metal instruments into said hole. The experience wasn't quite as surreal for me this time as last time -- maybe just because I knew what to expect to a greater degree. Still incredible to see though.

I went ahead and snapped away once the action got started... First out was one little foot, then one more:




The cord was wrapped around his neck (loosely), but once they got it untangled it was time to sit him up so he could see the world:




And that was one of the strangest sights I have ever seen. Less than 5 seconds after being pulled out, there he was, completely silent, just sitting calmly and surveying his new domain.

Over to the warming table we went to get him wiped down and checked out. Ten fingers, ten toes, and eyes definitely not adjusted to the light of "outside" yet. Once I shaded his eyes he was ready to look at me:




The rest of the surgery went perfectly fine -- once Asher had been given the nurse's seal of approval I brought him over by Mel and we waited things out together while the surgeon put everything back together:




After that was all taken care of they headed the three of us over to the recovery room, where we finally had the chance to meet the little guy and confirm our suspicion that his name did indeed have to be Asher Josiah Brewster.

Momma and baby are both doing well now. Mel had a bit of a time coming off of the anesthesia (she spent a bit of the morning puking), but since then things have been really really smooth. Asher has been living up to his name ("blessed"/"happy") and seems to be a pretty easy-going guy (although as I type this he is trying to prove me wrong on that count). He has taken well to nursing and even let us get some sleep last night.

Alright, here's the part where we ditch the yakkin' altogether and get down to that staple of parents everywhere, the gratuitous overload of pictures just for the sake of showing off the little guy:

Update: So apparently the "clear=left" attribute of the br tag doesn't work once you're seeing the post in google reader, thereby throwing off the alignment of text and photos. I'm too lazy to try to figure out what would work better right now -- anyody wanna fill me in on a better way to keep the layout the same even in an aggregator?

Mixed Messages

So Mel took Ez and Addie in for a WIC appointment yesterday, and while at the appointment the kids both got stickers. Later in the evening I finally actually paid attention to the sticker on Addie's dress:



Anybody else want to know why they're using a faked M&M spokescandy to encourage my daughter to eat more oranges??

So what's on Ezra's sticker? Of course:



Thank you, Mr Wannabe M&M, for encouraging my son to eat, um, whatever that breakfast is supposed to be.

And the most surprising thing to me: Ezra knew it was an M&M just as well as I did, despite living in a non-halloween house with no TV and very rarely any candy sitting around (yes, I am aware what ogres that makes us sound like). Advertising is an amazing thing.